California Cheese: Its the cheese
by Sorceress Kirara
Summary: "Die Die Die Die!" echoed through the Dojo. Was that Kenshin? Who/what is he killing? And why? Well, it is *the* cheese....Very funny please R+R!


3)~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~a/n: This is my first Rurouni Kenshin fanfiction. Usually, I do angst stuff, but this time 

since schools out, I thought something funny would be better.

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Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. Wait, this is an RK fic…alright! I don't own Rurouni Kenshin either… *sniffle* How come I never get anything?

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California Cheese: it's the cheese.

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"Die! Die! Die! Die! " 

Kaoru abruptly looked up from gathering the breakfast dishes. Usually, it was Kenshin's job but for some reason he had not shown up for breakfast. She simply assumed he was taking a much needed break; it did seem logical. 

The chanting continued as she stayed frozen, balancing the many plates and cups in her two hands, "Die! Die! Die! Die! " 

__

It sounded like…

"Kenshin?" she thought out loud. "No. No, it couldn't be." She laughed her thought. "What would Kenshin be doing shouting die? Ha!" She headed over to the sink to put everything in the water. 

"Die! Die! Die! Die!" There is was again.

Everything dropped from her hands and crashed into the sink, sending a splash of remnants of meal and soapy water in her face. Growling, she wiped the debris off and hissed, "This has got to be one of Yahiko's jokes…"

Walking toward the room where the chanting was coming from, she continued to inwardly growl, planning to surprise Yahiko in the act rather then give him a warning of his impending doom. She stopped outside the closed sliding door to the room and froze. Through the shades she saw Kenshin. He was standing above something, but a chest was blocking her view. 

"Die! Die! Die! Die! " he continued to chant. She could see him raising his reverse blade sword above his head and sending it down to stab whatever lay after that box. With the first die, he raised it, and with the second, he brought it down. 

"Die!'

Sword go up.

"Die!"

Sword go down.

"Die!'

Sword go up.

"Die!"

Sword go down.

She could swear he was doing this action at an extremely fast pace- not resting for a second; always in motion. The only time he paused was when the sword stabbed whatever lay just beyond the box. 

__

This could not be Kenshin! Plus, he did seem taller. But the voice was the same, and so was the outline. Kaoru was completely stunned. _Could he have changed to…Battousai?_ She needed to get a closer look, at least of his face.

"Die! Die! Die! Die!" the chants continued as she slowly neared the edge of the door. Cautiously, she cracked open the door, wide enough for one of her eyes to see the room, and whatever was happening inside.

Brushing away some black bangs, she gasped in horror. Kenshin, although still appearing taller, was standing behind a large wooden chest. And his sword continued to stab whatever was behind that box. She heard no screams, saw no blood, but his chanting of ""Die! Die! Die! Die!" continued non-stop. 

Suddenly, she saw what she thought she would never see. As his sword stabbed the thing a bit of blood squirted upward and splashed against the wall leaving red dots like bleeding footprints scaling the wall to the ceiling. Kaoru raised her hand to mouth to muffle her scream as Kenshin took no heed to the blood and continued to stab.

"Die! Die! Die! Die!" his chants continued, now more determined.

__

This could not be happening. How did he become Battousai? And who or what was he killing? 

She had to take a closer look. Carefully, she opened the door wider to have a large enough gap for both her eyes to see the ordeal. To her surprise, he did not look Battousai-ish. Not at all. Just…angry or frustrated. Not anything like that amber-eyed demon he had be known as during the war. His eyes still had their serene violet tint, although they were narrowed in concentration. His red hair was coming loose from his pony tail in thin strands from his constant movement.

And, another strange thing, he…he was _smiling_. Grinning happily as he plowed the sword into whatever lay before him. _He was happy? He was killing something for God sakes! How could he be happy?_

Another streak of blood ran across the wall so she back away from the door ,went behind the corner, gripping one of the Dojo's posts for support. She had to tell someone. Maybe, maybe she was seeing things. She had to make sure. Scanning the area, she looked for the closest person to ask. Her eyes landed on one of the Dojo's freeloaders, resting in the shade, a fishbone in his mouth. She sighed. _Wasn't there anyone else? _

Annoyed, she walked over to him. "Sano!!" she shouted.

He woke up, startled and shoved a finger in his ear. "Geez, you're going to make me deaf!" he complained. 

"Kenshin's Bat--" she stopped herself. She didn't want to sound psycho right off the bat. He wouldn't believe her.

"Kenshin's what?" he asked.

"Kenshin's bat-bathing! Yes, bathing!" she lied quickly, although quite proud of how good of a lie it was.

"So?" 

"Well, he…er…just finished! And he needs you to help him choose what to wear!" she continued.

Sano stared at her, curiously. "He wears the same thing everyday. Does he actually own any other clothes?"

"Um…" Kaoru was stuck. "Well, he…Oh I think that's him calling!" she changed the subject quickly, and raised a hand to her ear. "Yep, he's calling you from the Dojo! You better get there quick!" she grinned, hoping he would buy it.

Sano lifted his head to the Dojo. "I don't hear anything. Wait…it sounds like someone's shouting 'd-"

"Oh no no no." she shook her head, smiling. "I guess I did make you deaf! See…he's shouting…'Dano! Dano!" _Dano?_

"Dano?" 

"Yes- his new nickname for you! Now go!!" She pulled him up and started to push him towards the Dojo.

"Alright! Alright!" he said moving away from her grip. He sighed walking and muttered something like: "Dano?" 

She walked behind Sano cautiously, humming a tune so he wouldn't hear the chants. She stopped at the posts and he noticed as he reached the sliding door.

"Well, aren't you coming?" 

"Um, no. I…I don't want to see anything improper…" she said quickly, hoping it would be a good enough excuse.

"So it's proper for _me_?" he asked, raising an eyebrow and crossing his arms.

"Just go!" Kaoru finally said, getting annoyed at the stalling.

Without bothering to look before he opened the door he entered. In a mere second he came running out, and pressed himself against the wall. His eyes were wide with surprise and his mouth gapped open in shock. Kenshin had not followed so he must have not heard the door, or Sano's panting.

"He's…Battousai!"

"He is?" Kaoru tried to act surprised, but Sano saw through it.

"You knew this!" he accused.

"Well…I just wanted to make sure I wasn't seeing things."

"But…but he didn't _look _it. He _acted _it." Sano said, turning to watch the silhouette of Kenshin stabbing the mysterious thing. "And did he seem taller?"

Kaoru nodded.

"Hey, guys!" Both Sano and Kaoru turned to see Yahiko coming up the path, followed by Megumi. 

"He was helping me gather some herbs for some medicines." Megumi explained. She suddenly noticed the looks on her friends' faces. "Why do you seem so surprised?"

Wordlessly, Sano pointed to the outline of Kenshin through the door and both Yahiko and Megumi stared as the sword was hoisted up, then shot down. Kenshin's chant echoed in their ears: "Die! Die! Die! Die!" 

"What's he doing?" Yahiko asked, his eyes not moving from the murder in process.

"That can't be…." Megumi said calmly, shaking her head.

"It is." Kaoru sadly replied. "He looks like Kenshin…but he's acting like Battousai…"

"Well, one of us has to go in there and snap him out of his senses." Megumi said, heading towards the door. A hand suddenly grabbed hers and she turned to see Sano holding her back.

"You cant just barge in there. He may be so intent on killing that if he doesn't kill that thing, he'll kill whatever walks through that door. That is, if he so far away from the usual Kenshin." 

"You must die, that you must!"

"He cant be that far," Yahiko observed.

Kaoru took a deep breath. "Alright, I'll go in there."

Before anyone could stop her she entered the room where Kenshin continued to stab whatever was hidden behind that box. Quietly, she moved the other corner of the room where she could get a profile view of him, and the mysterious thing.

She couldn't believe what she saw. The others had entered behind her and were staring in shock at the sight.

Kenshin was standing on a wooden crate on his toes, trying to keep from touching the ground. Upon a closer look, they could see that there was not only anger in his eyes, but fear. His eyes were scanning the ground, looking for the thing he had been trying to kill. Finally they stopped…

…at a little white mouse? There were a few scratches on its tail where the blood must have come from that flew against the wall when he moved the tail like a whip to get away from the sword. Its eyes were wide and dark with fear as it tried to maneuver away from the sword while at the same time holding a…

…piece of cheese?

"Die! Die! Die! Die!" Kenshin shouted again, nearly scratching the mouse, but missing by a millimeter. He stabbed at the Dojo's floor instead where little holes from previous misses created a sort of dot to dot pattern. 

"Kenshin!" Kaoru shouted in surprise. The others were stilled shocked into a silence. That call finally got his attention and he looked up at the group watching him in horror.

"I…I can explain…that I can…" Kenshin said quickly, hiding the sword behind his back. His eyes moved back and forth from the audience to the trail of the mouse. Their silence allowed him to continue. "He…took the _cheese_."

They stared.

"_My _cheese."

They stared, immobile.

"My _cheddar _cheese."

They still stared.

"_Californian _cheddar cheese." [a/n(**) at bottom]

They continued to stare.

"Its is _the _cheese…"

They stared with unblinking eyes.

"And its very rare here…"

They maintained their stares.

"And the mouse took it…"

Finally Kaoru's body gave in and she fainted to the ground. It was all too much. 

She awoke minutes later to some odd smell. Weakly, she opened her eyes to a piece of cheese in front of her nose held by the redhead rurouni. He smiled. "The mouse didn't take the limburger."

From the unseen hole in the wall the mouse smiled as well. "Cheddar is ok, but it's sure not gouda!"

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A/n: so funny? Stupid? Stupid, yet funny? Well, I hoped you liked it anyway and please review!!! I'm not really a humor writer, more angst….the irony.

A/n(**) California became a state in 1853! So it works out! Mwa Ha! ^_^. Course I don't know when they started their delicious cheddar cheese processing, but does it really matter? 

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